George Zimmerman Arrested in Florida

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Originally posted on U.S.:

George Zimmerman, the man acquitted earlier this year in the fatal shooting of Trayvon Martin, was arrested in Florida on Monday.

The charges are still unclear, but the Seminole County Sheriff’s Office said in a statement that police arrested Zimmerman after responding to a disturbance call from a house northwest of Orlando, the Associated Press reports.

Zimmerman’s arrest marks the latest trouble for the former neighborhood watch volunteer since he was found not guilty of murder in July. In September, police questioned him after a dispute with his estranged wife, but no charges were filed.

He was acquitted in July in the case that sparked a national debate on race, guns and self-defense laws.

[AP]

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Beautiful

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imgresI was recently sent a copy of the documentary “Dark Girls”, it pained me to watch beautiful Black Women express how they grow up hating the colour of skin, how they wanted to white, or lighter skinned. It prompted me to ask why do we, yes we, the Black community promote “colourism” with our own community as much as we do. Back people are hosting “Dark Skin vs Light Skin” beauty pageants, music artists want  light skinned video vixens in music their videos, both Nigeria and Jamaica have a skin bleaching epidemic, and we have Black Women currently spending an estimated half a trillion dollars on hair. Considering that the median income for Black families is a measly £32,000 p/a we have to question why with have this obsession with all that is light?  What is most distressing is that it is Black people who our openly promoting Colourism and Shadism. Supporting the Dark Skin women aren’t sh*t,  is shock jock Tommy Sotomayer with his bunch merry men only to happy support these opinions that light is right and chant that Dark Skinned women all that is wrong with the world  The “Dark skinned sister” is now some evil ugly reprobate worthy of nothing but having unwanted children!

TeamLightSkinStupidThis trend is taking deep root in our younger generation with #teamlightskin trending on twitter its no wonder our young people are growing up mixed up, confused and consumed with this image that light is right & black get back. Young Black Boys are openly declaring that they won’t date Dark skin girls, Black Girls refusing to acknowledge themselves as “Black” and choosing to define themselves by their nationality from as young as eight!. More and more young people are removing themselves from the one thing that has always united us – our skin colour and are now defining themselves by  nationalities “I am Caribbean, I am British, I am American” well hello, wake up call nobody cares, if you are not white you are most definitely considered BLACK by white supremacists and racists.

imgres I used to think that the issue was with Black Women and their desire  “to want to be white”, because the simply hated themselves so much they just had the old coconut issue. However over recent times my views have changed, I don’t think its Black Women’s desire to be to want to be white, at all the desire like that for any other woman of any other race its the desire to be beautiful. Unfortunately for us, that beauty, we want,  has been typified for centuries by white Europeans and that is the issue with the notion that in order to be seen as beautiful we need light skin, and  have straight hair. If this was NOT the case, we would have no skin bleaching epidemic,  there would be no issue with creamy crack and weave addiction. We would accept our Black skin and kinky hair with no issue at all. You only have to look around and see that vast amount of Black Women of all shapes and sizes and social standing experiencing these internal prejudices and self harming in order to be seen as beautiful by our own families, our men and the wider society,  to then get ridiculed in the process. As I scrolled through Google images, looking for images of Beautiful Women I found this, how can I a Dark Skinned Black Women relate to those images as being a representation of me? This is about holding a “Victim mentality” either its about recognising the elephant in the room.

The images of beauty we see via our beauty magazines and television are of white or light skinned women, even our most famous celebrities are whitewashed for adverts and album covers.imgres For every 100 image I see possibly only 10% are of women of colour and when they are they LIGHT. Do I sound angry, I hope so because I have every right to be angry. I live in a world that still does not recognise the beauty of the Black Woman, and a community that is so riddled with internal prejudices. I don’t need White Woman telling me or the world that I am beautiful but thank you all the same Olive Cole for standing up and saying something that for some reason many fail to properly acknowledge!. What I and many other Black Woman really need most  is our own community to embrace that we are beautiful. No wonder so many Black Women  feel the way they do, if you are subjected to Colourism within your own community and if when you pick up a  magazine such vanity fair they pop you on the backside. At least Vogue was honest enough to admit that Black doesn’t sell in the mainstream and created an All Black Issue but still most featured models are Light and White . We are a rarity in the mainstream and when we are featured we are considered “exotic” never just beautiful in our own right in our own Blackness. So I get the desire and understand the obsession I am not saying its right however,  if you are told from your earliest age that everything that is beautiful is everything you are not, then as a adult you are definitely going to want to look like what you are told is beautiful.

969284_474245442694973_1501284804_nHow do we change this and move forward?  Firstly we need to accept that we have made mistakes by accepting the European images and trying to attain to them we have to be honest. We need to  teach our children especially our daughters that black is beautiful no matter what shade, no matter what hair texture, we need to be the example of beauty that they see. If you are rolling with lace fronts and bleaching cream think about the message you are sending to your eight-year-old!  To our son’s we need to challenge them when they succumb to peer pressure and begin with the “I don’t date Dark Skin girls” remind them who their MOTHER is. We cannot rebuke our children if all they see is mum sporting blonde weaves and blue contacts! Its not their fault if we the adults are setting these warped standards.  In our families we must stop calling each other names relating to our skin colour “high yellow, up town colour, tar baby, blick etc” this only further perpetuates Coloursim. These terms and jokes are result from of years of oppression, colonialism  and the white supremacy image of beauty. Challenge the comments like “pretty for a Sark Skin/Black girl”, seriously what the heck does that even mean? and the “Pretty” all hair crap! ALL hair is pretty BLACK people are the ONLY people with coily hair texture on the planet. How special and unique is that?  I welcome the natural hair revolution and I salute the all Vloggers & Bloggers challenging Beauty myths.

So remember Sisters, when you adopt that straight Remi 24 inch blonde weave, you are  knowingly feeding into the image of white beauty and overshadowing black beauty you too are part of issue/problem/sickness. We need to support the Black publications supporting the BLACK is BEAUTIFUL image put down the mainstream magazines why support a publication that doesn’t even acknowledge your own beauty. Accept the responsibility that our  imagesconsciousness that needs to change and the we see ourselves and each other.  Its surprising that the BLACK Man is hailed as handsome, for his dark skin and chiselled looks, yet the Black Woman isn’t why? Because we are BEAUTIFUL and its no secret celebrate yourself and all that we are. Finally ALL of us need to stop comparing our beauty to European beauty standards. Be Black, Be Proud, Black Pride.

There’s nothing Noble about King Noble

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King Noble

Earlier this year I was in a Facebook group created by King Noble, a self proclaimed, nail varnish wearing Black Sex God. Who likes to promote what he simply calls “nudity” in the midst of his teachings on Black Supremacy.  As I scrolled through the group I found a variety of pictures posted by Kingr Noble, usually of Black  women in  sexual positions (usually but not always NUDE) encouraging people to join his site where he promotes Black Supremacy and Rulership.

I noticed one thing about King Noble and that is he like to use words like “nudity”, as opposed to “naked”, and eroctic as opposed to “sexual”. Giving the impression, that this is “Art”, and an expression of female body. This would be all good and well however from the postings and pictures I have been privvy too, I have to say the man promotes nothing more than his own version of “Afronongraphy” basically porn with a bit of Afrocentic clap trap thrown to keep the masses following him. Under the guise that we are to be comfortable with our sexuality and sex, He defends his use of “nudity” by saying that only 10 to 20 per cent of his imagery on his website is “nudity”  and the reason why MANY in the concious community  find it “offensive” is due....”having a semi Christian mind-set, indoctrinated by White Supremacy”. (King Noble explains the nudity on www.kingnobleblackrulership.com).

967774_1479551922280149_823807248_nI wrote him an open letter in January 2013, after seeing him heavily promote “The Black Goddess Strip Show” his response was by way of an inbox message, to which he got a two worded reply. I was deeply saddened by his sexploitation of Black Women, drawing in the masses to donate to his website, under the guise of doing something for the community. I’ve yet to see his works for the community, other than a host of YouTube video’s, although I could be mistaken.  His rhetoric is about the community not being accepting of nudity, now “nudity” is one thing, however, his posts and pictures are not just of nude women, they are both nude and provocative. He advocates all kinds of sexual deviancy including homosexuality, especially homosexual acts between women, this is openly encouraged and applauded by many of his supporters and followers. Incidentally, he believes RAPE is a revolutionary act I am seriouslyconfused.

King Nobel’s response to my open letter.

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King Noble & Natty Isis

I find it extremely contradictory that he uses Black Women to promote is website given the fact that in the porn industry Black Women face racism and extreme sexual derogation. whereby both their gender and colour are inseparable and she status of dual subornation to White Supremacy. There are two main major porn feature studio’s Vivid & Wicked, porn stars such as Jenna Jemmerson work for such studios, with her surgically enhanced body, prefect hair and make up, it is the White Woman is the glamour face and PR of Porn. With access to guaranteed and regular work, slick marketing which leads to high level income and visibility, through sponsorship, endorsement, modelling contracts. Black Women on the other hand, do not have access to 1184922_393040484151151_2140517759_nregular and guaranteed work, super slick marketing  leading, to high level income and visibility. The majority have to take part in what is known as “gonzo” porn (straight sex no talking, no glamour) where they recieve fewer perks and less security. If anyone has seen the infamous rape and total humiliation of a Black Woman on “Ghetto Bangers” we can clearly see that any self respecting leader of the Black community would not want to see the Sister (misguided or not) sexually abused in such a way. One could argue that they (the Black Woman) are doing porn anyway, why not let them do it for a movement and get paid? My response is why is the Black Woman doing it anyway? Furthermore, what previous leader do we see sexploiting the Black Woman to promote the movement? Did Marcus, Martin or Malcolm? No, these men HONOURED the Black Woman.  They did not pimp them out, nor post pictures of them on social media, nor try to convince the masses that pornography, is somehow sacred sexuality. Mr Noble seems to completely forget that

10419780_1479551918946816_1123166058_nThe image of the Black Woman throughout history has been one of an unchaste sex beast, I cannot see him doing anything different that the Slave Master who would strip and poke the Black Woman as if she were mere cattle at the local market. His group has 22,000 plus members, both men and women, many (men) post pictures of Black Women usually sexually explicit when challenged a barrage of insults fly, what I can only conclude is his following are those of low income and low to moderate education. and devoid of simply reasoning skills.  I have to ask what about the “children”? Are we meant to bring our children into a movement that is lead up by a “Black Sex God”? What happens when our daughters come of age, are they to going to be plastered around the internet in sexual positions dubbed as simple “nudity”? I am no feminazi, and certainly no prude either however I do believe that there is a line and this dude has crossed it. There is nothing wrong with modesty, there is a time and place for all sisters to express their “Inner Hoe” and I use that term light-heartedly, and with their partner in a bedroom are we to now become voyeurs and indulge in acts of homosexuality too all in the name of being “in touch with our sexuality”?. We talk about the over sexualisation of mainstream media but is this ok because its all being done in the name of Afrocentrism?

10449615_1479551932280148_1708853781_nAt some point someone has to stand up and say “this is a rouse“, this is nothing to do with the Black Supremacy, Nation Building or Restoring the image of the Black Community, this is straight up PIMIPING of Black Women by a Black Man for his own purposes. Where are your donations going? What is being built? Why is no-one questioning his blatant disrespect and USAGE of the Black Woman for his own agenda? And where he finds these women only God knows. I once saw a video on Youtube (due to the legalities of a custody battle the video has since been removed) of a father talking about the hovel his child was living in whilst the mother was residing with King Nobel in what he described as a “sex cult”and King Nobel’s refusal to allow him the return of his child.  We could argue  that this mockery within our community can only exist if stupid women allow themselves to be treated in such away. On the 1157610_393037200818146_1641045777_nflip side who knows how these women have been treated in the past, and what is their current state of mind is. Its a two folded debate which has many causes for us as a community both externally and internally however if we as community continue to support and donate to this ridiculous concept of Afronography, we are ALLOWING the continued abuse and manipulation of many sisters.

940964_342462875875579_1331887884_nRecently he claimed his site was down,  he had his latest marketer and promoter “Natty Isis” making video pleas for donations of $50, the site was indeed up as the begging video was on the site, however if you don’t know you anything about internet hosting, you might donate, thinking your money is actually helping the community, when in fact its lining his pockets. Why doesn’t King Nobel get a bloody job and build his community like the many other concious teachers and leaders out there? Why does he need to sell sex to make a movement? The women in the pictures are  mothers, aunts, sisters, nieces, cousins and somebody’s daughter but all we see is them ho’ing it for the movement, which movement is that may I ask….the only movement he knows and that friends is the one in his trousers.1094_315469291908271_1987499581_n10396362_1479551908946817_2088082761_n

 

I wrote this article and included the pictures purely to demonstrate the degenerate mind-set of this self confessed leader/God, and this is what we need to be mindful of, these control freaks whose sole agenda is POWER & CONTROL, nothing more nothing less, and get as much female (and male) ass as possible. I will most likely be called an agent and in some respects I am, I am an agent of  Ma’at and all things right and this just isn’t right! All pictures are from King Nobles Public Facebook Profile.

Three Wives and A Husband…Is Polygamy the way forward?

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1231649_10151637096097965_1919131810_nI’m in LOTS of online groups, some I just randomly join (I do like a bit of online, late night trolling) and some I’ve been kindly added too. For the last year or so, I’ve  added to a variety of Polygamy groups,  I didn’t really participate in them, after being inboxed by a member asking, if I would like to join his  “family?” To say that I did not automatically think CULT, would be an understatement, but a polite “no” from me, ended that conversation very quickly. Growing up in the UK, the influences of modern society are all around you, Cesare Borgia, is worshipped on a Sunday by masses of Black people, and you are taught that there is ONE way and that way is Cesare Borgia’s way. So the values of the Western Church and culture are thrust upon you, you don’t question it, you just accept it that is life and it is normal. You are taught that God made Adam and Eve, and these  two were the mother and father of ALL civilization, possibly in Africa but both are often depicted with very pale skin. You are taught that monogamy is the way and that its the ONLY way…despite the fact that polygamy was practised and documented IN THE BIBLE (I think Cesare, just changed his mind about it all that after a while), its always been about Adman and Eve. Then you wake up to a world outside of medieval England, and discover people both lived and live differently some actually had more than ONE wife.

I’ve noticed that the concious community moving in various different directions, but one remarkably strong movement is towards Polygamy. I think Polights depiction of his wonderful happy family and the wives (Sista-wives) sharing their love for one another, is one that many of the community hold on too. Then there are the various pro’s for it, such as; the brothers cheat anyway, so why not do it in a loving and happy way with rules (I still don’t quiet understand this argument, but hey), the view that polygamy would eliminate many of the Black community’s problem’s; the alleged shortage of Black men, with them being imprisoned or dead, the flagging black economy,and our apparent lack of community through BUILDING (I’m still none the wiser what we are building but hey) Plus early parts of Africa had polygamous marriages, so it is therefore OUR culture. I cannot help sometimes feel that I am seeing a lot of women being  poly-curious…wading through the for’s and against’s, asking questions, pondering, researching and I am actually quiet amazed how many SINGLE women are now considering it a valid option. It has to be said straight up, its never been for me,. I get that its been practised in Africa, so has monogamy, lets not think that monogamy is a Western way of life, you only have to look at the “Kemetic Tree of Life & the Holy Trinity” to see this is not the case. Furthermore whenever I’ve asked what the cons are I am met with a stony wall of silence or answers so vague, I am still left wondering “where did Cain’s wife come from?” I’m often challenged, that I am naive, ignorant, WITHOUT CULTURE, I’m suffering from lack of knowledge because I am Westernised, and the best one being “I am laying down Kings to my white providers.” Its never been just explained in laymens terms how its going actually going to save us.

imagesI rarely see wives in groups promoting it, I could be wrong but every time I do see the wives they are happily smiling and promoting it, I get this “Stepford Wives” feel about them all. But hey, I could be wrong. I see men posting ad’s for wives, and potential wives looking for families its all very orderly and seems on the surface to be about building…but I have to ask who really benefiting from this supposed “building”, whilst many argue its not about sex, I have to stress a successful marriage usually involves some sex, so to say its not about sex is a straight up lie! I would never suggest that their is some freaky deaky sex going on within Polygampus partnerships (as they are called), however I would extremely naive to think that it does not go on, at the very least a man is still at liberty to move amongst his wives (with rules HE set) when and as he pleases. He is the leader, the ruler, the governor of the family. He lays down the foundation keeps the family in order, ensures that the spiritual needs are meet, he is the provider, and protector and so on and so on. I was once told its based upon a matriarchal system, forgive me here BUT, I do feel like the small boy in the story of the “Emperors New Clothes” in that its still very much a patriarchal system…and the Emperor is indeed NEKKED!  I do not understand how this is “Protecting the King” but, hey! After being shown the Polight video, which I have dubbed the “Polygamy infomerical”. I cannot say how disturbing I found his wives to be, they looked like throwback prostitutes from the 70′s, and just seemed to revere him to the point of Godship elevation,  I thought the Black woman was God, has that now changed? Followed by more Afrocentric clap trap which reminded me of Christian clap trap, “Cesare Borgia can save you and everything is gonna be alright!” Now we have “Ase Ase Ase”.

To be honest I want to see BALANCE in all of our communities relationships. It may sound like I am knocking a long established movement, that was way before me, well yeah I suppose in a way I am, to say that I think its cool people want to explore and discover an alternative way of life. Its not mainstream (I am gonna shot down for this, but that is ok)  even in the Black Community, its still a tad “out there”, but its COOL if that is what people want to do. However some things said are disingenuous, such as this is the way to SAVE the community, what by one man having many wives? That even sounds retarded! Don’t knock those women who don’t want to be part of a commune and attack them not supporting the KINGS. Lets not accuse those who are not into it, as being freaks of nature and without culture. You know I don’t want to walk around in African regailer everyday, I don’t want to change my name, loc’s my hair and such forth, nor do I want to tattoo my body with ankhs and spinx’s to prove my allegiance to BLACK POWER. I am happy in modestly dressed western clothes, neither does my last name nor my clothes define my  AFRIKAN, AFRIKKAN, IFRICAN, or BLACKNESS, nor do I need a course in Black History to be convinced it the right thing to do for me because, its NOT. Let’s not manipulate Kemetic Spirituality to suit personal agenda’s and ego’s, and finally lets be HONEST. I’ve yet to hear of one horror story, and with a household of people, women different personalities, characters, qualities, ideals, values etc in these groups. And with any partnership there is going to be challenges and conflict. If Cesare Borgia cannot save us, neither can Polygamy.

The issues in the community are not going to be saved by one man and hareem of women. using manipulative language, and pretty pictures giving women an illusion of control, is deceptive and I wonder who is really gaining from the Polygamous Society. People save people, a concious effort amongst like minded people is what saves people. Actually addressing the why’s and working towards and sustainable global solutions is what saves people, in fact real revolutions are what save people.

And no, before you say it,  I am not a Feminazi.

Domestic Abuse…is NOT a Domestic Affair.

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imagesOn Monday (2/9/13), I became aware of a public Facebook outing of an “alleged” perpetrator of Domestic Abuse. I was deeply saddened for a number of different reasons. What got me really thinking was my own story and personal attitude toward Domestic Abuse. What I knew from experience and what I knew professionally.

Here is my story…

Domestic Abuse within has always been a challenging one for me, as I grew up in a home where I witnessed it, I knew of aunts, who experienced domestic abuse as well so it became dare I say the word “normal”. Yes I knew hitting was wrong, of course I did, however I became so accustomed to it I suppose in a way I even “accepted” it. I was nineteen, in 1993, when a boyfriend first assaulted me, he kicked me after we had an argument and I asked him to leave. I felt really bad as I must have driven him to do that, I went to his house to apologised, during that two year relationship I experienced two bruised eyes, a bust lip and numerous bruises, I remember attending a children’s birthday party in the winter sporting sunglasses. Surely because of that experience I must have KNOWN what Domestic Abuse was…I must have been able to recognise the SIGNS, in actual fact I did not, as I said it was kinda normal. Fast forward to the year 2002, I have been married for just over a year, I am unhappy, depressed and deeply miserable in my “Christian” marriage I decide I wanted a career change and began working at the local Women’s Centre, I was surround by various women support groups and I loved it, granted they were for the most part, raving lesbians but they sure did know their stuff about Women rights. I enrolled on a Domestic Violence and Sexual Violence course and it was there I realised I was experiencing what we were learning about. I went to my Pastor and told him my husband is abusing me, his words were “Pray” for six years I continued “praying” in my marriage, at the same time questioning why I spent so much money on my wedding, my husband was a Trustee in the church how could I expose him, what about my family, were would me and my son live? I muddled through praying screaming, literally going down the alter and SCREAMING, and  believing a “change was gonna come”.  Its 2006 and I am working in the DV (Domestic Violence) Sector, and one day, I was working with a woman and as I sat there advising her on her rights, and listening to her story, I realised that I was going through the same said thing. I left my husband, with no support from the church, just a foreboding reminder that “divorce” was not an option. Fourteen months later I went back only to divorce him within three months, the abuse never stopped.

So by now I should be fully aware of the SIGNS, no? I mean I was now training the Police, the Courts, the Medical Profession, Public and Voluntary Sector Organisations on Domestic Abuse. So what was I doing going into a relationship with a known perpetrator? Granted, I had just gotten divorced, lost my home, exceed my overdraft and every credit card I owned, and my cousin suddenly died and we were not speaking at time, yes I was somewhat down and vulnerable. But here came a friend I had known for 10 years, telling me that “everything was gonna be alright” and I thought, “he is not going treat me like how he treated his “wife” surely? I am TOO strong for that…two weeks into “our relationship”, I was hiding in my house after he threatened to come with his WIFE to “Chop my bloodclar*t and bring f*cking drama to my door”. Our relationship lasted two years, the losses I cannot count, He attended my workplaces with his wife, places I raved, my home with his wife, and he bad mouthed me to my friends and my family. I just wanted to die.

Now I was at a very low place, I’d lost my self respect and professional reputation, I mean a high profile Domestic Abuse Worker, in a relationship with a known criminal and perpetrator of Domestic Abuse, it just doesn’t make sense, did it? I just felt it was all I was worth. Its now 2012 and I am in another crappy relationship same old, same old, I am here again with some who say’s all the right things but, no, I am not being hit, but I am being shouted at, I am being talked over and down too, I’m controlled, and not even my name is pronounced correctly, but I guess this is ALL am I worth.  I f*ck up so I guess this is just the result of another f*ck up, I know this is mistake, I know I need to just call it a day to end it and walk away, and one day I decide to leave.  I go out with a friend we party hard, we celebrate that I have finally made a good decision,  we drink like drink is on rations and we have to get as much as we can in the shortest space of time, I am having a great time, a ball, thankh GOD, I AM FREE, and then I end up in a situation which totally changes my life… I am raped.  I blame myself, I tell myself this is sum amount of my worth, this is it I am nothing more than a piece of meat and all my life I have put myself in situations where I am abused…something is wrong with me and therefore I deserve this. I am told by the man I said I was leaving that is is my fault, and I MUST accept responsibility, he tells my family, his family and friends, that I have been raped, all without my permission. He tells people on facebook,  it doesn’t stop there,  he says that I am telling “half truths”, and HE doesn’t accept my version of events.  So HE has his version of events, (but HE was not there) He says the police have told him I am lying, my friends have told him am lying my family have told him I am lying.  He  goes into facebook groups and tells people, HIS version of events, again I am lying, I am called a “fake rape victim” I am called “mad” and for the most part I think, “am I mad”, I want to die.

imgresI am subjected to bullying in facebook groups, my experience is discussed and picked apart, its the topic of discussions, then my family are in-boxed by his friends. I felt like I am being constantly violated over and over again and I have NO power to stop it. I am accused of things I have no knowledge of. I want to die.  I continue with life trying to mask the pain inside the feelings of shame and need to heal, I tell myself I can just pick myself back up, its ok but I am leaking, I hit out, I cuss, I rant, I am angry. I end up in another mad crazy situation, being assaulted by someone I thought was a  good friend, grabbed by the neck and thrown in a toilet booth. I refuse to go down without a fight this time. I want revenge I want to hit and punch so hard for all the years of abuse…it take three bouncers to remove me. This is it, now I feel all those emotions that I tried so hard to bury coming up…so I have BREAKDOWN…puff and so it is I want to die again. All I could do was cry, there were no words, words could not explain this deep and dark place…the only words I could find were “what is the point”…and the tears flowed and flowed and flowed….this feeling of sheer dismay just loomed over me, and the tears kept falling, try as I might to stop them they fell…I remember going to see my doctor and just sobbing. The crisis team arrived at my home, thankh god for my friend Karen I owe her so much, as in all truth they were coming to section me…It was her presence there ensured that this was not the case. I just needed to rest to stop trying to fight life and to being to allow myself the RIGHT to be HEALED.

One thing I can say is I am still here, and I am stronger for all my experiences. I decided to allow myself the privilege to heal, to give myself the space to say its “it’s ok, its not your fault,”, which was hard because deep down I believed it was. And so the process began…I couldn’t have made it through if it were not for tapping into the spiritual…I gave libation, I did rituals, I cleansed my soul, I cut codes, I did crystal therapy, I called upon my ancestors, I cried out to Aset, Bast, Hathor, and Sekhmet. I spent about month  just sleeping (literally healing internally). So much work needed to be done and it could not be done with me being physically awake. The crisis team diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress, and gave me drugs upon drugs, drugs to function, and drugs to sleep, drugs not to panic and drugs to counteract the side effects of drugs they were giving me. Never before have I felt so slowed down, I stopped taking them as soon as they gave them to me, however they sussed out what I was doing and came EVERYDAY to give them to me on the spot in front of them, it was 3 months before they stopped doing that…and the drugs hit the bin. I was in weekly counselling where I was able to open up and begin to unpeal the layers of misinformation, lies, and fears there inside of me was a little girl who was so afraid of being. I was able to look at how I coped and why I did what I did. It was painful and it hurt, I felt weak and broken. And then one day, I remember sitting in my garden and looking at the trees the leaving were falling off, and the Spirit said to me “Trees don’t mourn the leaves that fall”…Thus my healing began to manifest. Leaves were just falling but I would stand just like the tree unscathed.

Women, no matter who they are, what job they do, still need educating about the SIGNS of Domestic Abuse and how easy it is to succumb to being known as “prey”. Without dealing with those inner issue, without correcting those inner thought patterns, without addressing who they are, and what they are worth WILL still go into abusive relationships, and will continue to put themselves at risk. There is no easy road, its a painful one, its a hard one but in the long run its a worthwhile one. I would never say that its our fault and that we must help ourselves. What I would say is this, we OWE it to ourselves to ensure that we are HEALED. Domestic & Sexual Abuse can happen to anyone at any-time…whether its one incident or more than one, it can happen. You cannot change an abuser, they must choose to change themselves, the key for women is to get help, and never be afraid to ask for help, Domestic Abuse and Sexual Violence is NEVER your fault, no one EVER has the right to demean, humiliate, steal, abuse, hit, rape, attack or assault you. And NEVER let anyone to tell you YOUR story, if they TRY too its simply ease their own conscience and justify their own bad behaviour. Whilst the road hasn’t been easy I really can say I have come through the other side, a stronger, wiser, and with a healthy attitude, yes I’ve lost things and people along the way, BUT if I can do it, to anyone reading this going through the similar experience you can too. So be strong it might seem daunting at first, it might seem even impossible but even impossible says “I’m possible” so you too can stand, I say it again, YES you can.

With much love to: My Mum & Dad, My Sun, My Brothers, and Louise Bolam, Karen Allen, Jude Freeman, Errol Gee, Simon Spence, Elemental Essence, Sharon Thomspon, Leon Mcleod  Nubia Alison, My Counsellor Debbie, My Refuge Worker Victoria Aajayi, Prezzie and last but by certainly by no means least my partner Sekou Aniweta,  THANKH YOU ALL for supporting me through and on this journey you are wonderful souls and beautiful beings.

If you  have experienced, or are experiencing anything I shared here you can get help here:

Women’s Aid: http://www.womensaid.org.uk/

Rape Crisis: http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

Southall Black Sisters: http://www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/

Refuge: http://refuge.org.uk/

Check out my “Confessions of a former Drama Queen”